Depression

Today Robin Williams passed away.  I am feeling really, really sad about it and I don’t know why.  I never met the man.  I love his work as an actor and comedian.  I almost want to go somewhere and cry.  Why do I feel this way about someone I never met?

His death just makes me feel so sad and empty.  It seemed so senseless.  He reportedly died from suicide, and was battling depression in recent months.  How can the funniest man on earth feel so lost to the point where they feel the only way out of the pain is to end their life?

It makes no sense.  No sense at all.  I suffer from depression and feelings of inadequacy and loathing, but never to the point where I wanted to kill myself.  What makes a person get to the point where the only option they have is death?  To leave their family with the fallout of suicide and loss?  I guess that can only be answered by someone who has been through that depth of pain and despair. 

I can fully understand that people think that someone with depression should just “get over it.”  But depression doesn’t work that way.  It’s not something that you can just “snap out of.”  It’s not that someone with depression wants to feel happy all the time.  They sincerely hate themselves and their life so much that they question the value of their worth as a human being.

 

Mental illness is a disease - and even the rich and famous are not immune.

 

 

The Unexpected Perks of Unemployment

We all know the disadvantages of being unemployed:  Reduced income for the household, searching for new employment, and looking for things to fill your time.  Also the Geico commercial with the camel doesn't have quite the same meaning - although it is still my favorite commercial and I crack up every time I see it.

There are, however, some unexpected perks of unemployment:

• You can go to the store at the times they are the least busy - and not only have the store to yourself, but a great parking spot.
• You can stay up as late as you want, and get up at whatever time you choose.
• You can do household chores at 2AM or 2PM, whenever the mood strikes.
• You don't have to worry about what you are going to wear to work the next day.
• You can be lax in the personal hygiene department (although I would not recommend it).
• Spend more time with family (especially nice if they live in Las Vegas and have a private pool).
• Most importantly, it gives you time to figure out and follow your dreams.

You are never too old, and it is never too late, to reinvent this great adventure called life.

Wow! How Life Changes...

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted on my blog.  Here are the highlights since I last posted:

January 2011 - I got a new job.

April 2011 - Our dog, Gracie, passed away.

July 2011 - Mike and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary.

November 2011 - My wonderful grandmother, Evelyn MacDougall, passed away.

September 2012 - Adopted a wonderful dog named Callie.

June 2013 - Mike and I both got new rides (Mike a Volvo X30 and me a Honda CR-V)

July 2013 - My newest nephew, Maverick River Allen, was born.

September 2013 - I was laid off from my job.

In addition to all this, my weight has not exactly been kept in check.  I definitely need to get back on track in maintaining my weight.

I feel a new chapter of my life beginning.  It's scary.  It's hard.  It's exciting.

2010 Zeitgeist Half Marathon or “Will The Hills Ever End?”

Mike and I did the Zeitgeist Half Marathon today. We met our friends Tracy, Don and Amber there, and it was really nice to see them again.  

Amber, Tracy and I - Three Women on a Mission!

Mike and I - Oblivious to what waited for us!

Before I got to the start line, I read the race description:  Loop course; Scenic, rolling country roads; Paved and gravel surfaces; 3 hills; 1,180 feet of elevation gain and loss.

Wait - 3 hills with a 1,180 feet of elevation gain and loss?

Yep.

I can’t deny I was a tad concerned, but looking at the results from last year, I figured I was good to come in at least not last.  I typically walk these marathons, so I knew about how long it would take me.

I started out in typical fashion. I ran a little bit then walked on the side so others could pass me.

I got to Mile 1 and saw my friend Amber pass me. She was cruising!

About Mile 3 decided to actually try to run for awhile, and actually did about a mile of straight running. I was really proud of myself.

Mile 5 I had some technical difficulty with my Nike+ GPS, but fixed it quickly without too much hassle.  I passed through some cute neighborhoods!

I kept going, and everyone else kept passing me. I was getting discouraged, but kept telling myself that it didn't matter. My knee and hip were aching. I kept telling myself to keep going.

We kept going up what seemed like hill after hill after hill. About Mile 7 I looked up and all I saw was uphill. It felt like the hills would never end!  I was so tired and sore that I just sobbed. Even though I wanted to quit, I kept putting one foot in front of the other through the pain and tears.

Shortly after Mile 8, I noticed the Sweeper Truck was behind me. I sighed and kept going, figuring that at least I wouldn't be forgotten. I actually did consider throwing in the towel, but I trudged on.  Even though I was last, the race staff was great and kept encouraging me.

About Mile 10 my playlist on my iPhone started over again. I didn't remember that happening two weeks ago, but it must have.

At the stop near Mile 12, my wonderful hubby was waiting for me. He had finished the race (with a very respectable 2:29:57) and walked back to meet me and walk the rest of the way. After some sports drink, we headed toward the finish line. He encouraged me every step of the way.

I got to the top of the final hill, and saw the finish line. I was so happy! Even though the race was pretty much over, lots of people were still there to cheer me on. My friend Elizabeth was even there!

I crossed the finish line with an official time of 4:28:11. I came in last, but I finished!  As my friend Tracy said, this is a race that demands respect.  I applaud every one that finished it.  There were some smokin’ times!

They were just finishing up serving the food and such when I finished, but I did get some chili, cornbread, pasta salad, apple crisp before heading home to nurse my sore body.

Now coming in last would normally have made me upset because, well, I’m vain that way.  I don’t like to be last at anything.  But I finished the darn thing and I’m going to use it as motivation to do better next time.  Watch out Vegas, here I come!

Red

I have been a huge fan of Bruce Willis since Die Hard came out (yes, I’m dating myself and no, I really didn’t watch him in Moonlighting).  I’m also a fan of Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren AND John Malkovich.  So, I was very excited for the release of this movie.  It did not disappoint.

When you see actors that are so closely associated with a character (that basically made them famous) in a different project, it hard to accept them in a new role.  A perfect example of this is Sean Connery in The Hunt For Red October.  There is no way that you would ever convince me that he was a Soviet submarine commander.  He is, and always will be, known as James Bond 007.  Of course the fact that he still used his thick Scottish accent didn’t help.  When I was watching this movie, I was able to disassociate my thoughts of these actors previous works from the character they were playing in this film.  When I saw Bruce Willis in this movie, I wasn’t thinking of John McClane.  I was seeing, and liked, his character Frank Moses.  I liked all the main characters in this movie.  The character of Sarah Ross, played by Mary-Louise Parker, was endearing.  I must say I didn’t quite buy the idea of her and Frank as a couple.  I don’t think the chemistry was quite there.  And I ADORED Helen Mirren’s character Victoria.  I want to be her in a few (read many) years!

The story had my attention from the first frame.  It is well written, well acted, and the humor was on point.  Mike and I were exploding in laughter consistently throughout the movie.

I left the theatre feeling good.  Entertained and smiling.  If this is what it’s like to become retired and extremely dangerous, sign me up!

The Social Network

This movie is a MUST SEE for anyone on Facebook, or anyone using any type of social networking...which today is just about everyone, thanks to people like Mark Zuckerberg.

This is the story of a nerd who made it big.  In a huge way, kinda like Bill Gates.  Mark Zuckerberg, along with his former best friend Eduardo Saverin, are the founders of  Facebook.  Is it ironic that a socially inept ubergeek creates one of the biggest social networking mediums in the world?  Absolutely.  Facebook is now so big it has it's own verb.

This movie is extremely well done.  The script is sharp, the acting impeccable, and the storyline engaging.  Jesse Eisenberg does a phenomenal job portraying the socially inept Zuckerberg.  I absolutely fell in love with Andrew Garfield as his best friend Saverin.  Kudos must go to the immensely talented Justin Timberlake who, without singing one word, was mesmerizing as Sean Parker, the creator of Napster and first president of Facebook.

Allowing for what I call “Hollywoodification”, it is a very interesting and compelling story of how Facebook was started and what happens when people ultimately choose between money, power, and friendships.

This is a movie I would pay full price to see again and again.

It's that good.

Technophilia

I am a confirmed technogeek - a gadgetgirl if you will.  If I were a superhero, my name would be GadgetGirl, with some kewl logo and outfit.  But I digress.

I love technology.  I Google about it (yes, I love that Google is now a verb), I am a member of a couple of technology discussion boards, and I even have a couple of bookmarks that go to sites that show celebrities with their phones.  I think this combines my love of technology and celebrity quite nicely.  The biggest thing I love about technology is just sitting down and figuring it all out.

I received my first cell phone back in about 1992 or so when I lived in Dutch Harbor.  I think I was one of the first ones on the island to actually have a cell phone.  It was fun.  I liked it.  When we moved to Anchorage, I had to habit of going down to the cell phone store at the mall and looking at the latest models on a weekly basis.  As a matter of fact, the sales people there knew me by name.  As funds would allow, I would upgrade to the latest and greatest.

This is a partial, but by no means complete, list of cell phones I have had in the past:  Nokia 5520; Nokia 3310; some small red Nokia; Motorola StarTac; Motorola V60; Motorola Razr V3; BlackBerry Curve; BlackBerry Bold; and finally an Apple iPhone 3GS 32g.

Up until recently, I was a pretty big BlackBerry fan.  I loved my BlackBerry.  In the big Blackberry vs Apple debate, I was firmly in the RIM camp.  I remember when I got my last BlackBerry, the very nice salesman, when I asked for the newest model, asked me “Oh, why don’t you want to get an iPhone?”  And I snarkily (and yes, that is a verb) said “Because I want a phone that works.”

Well, now I’m eating my words.

I don’t want to make this a big pro-Apple blog because my intent is not to sway anyone one way or the other (and I’m not getting payment from Steve Jobs either, so there is that).  But I will say this – I love my iPhone, and a lot more then I actually thought I would.

My love affair started like this:  It was time for me to upgrade my iPod.  At that time I was so adverse to Apple that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to upgrade to a iTouch.  Hubby got one.  I broke down and played with his for about 15 – 20 minutes, and that is all she wrote.  I was hooked – hook, line, and sinker.  The next day, or two, I went down to get one.  Since I found out that I could get an actual iPhone cheaper then I could a iTouch, I took the leap.  My only regret was that when he asked me if I wanted a white or black one, I said black.  I realized I preferred the white one, and solved the issue later by giving that one to hubby and ordering (another) one for myself on eBay (which is another blog post entirely).

Now since I’ve gotten my iPhone, I spend endless hours looking at discussion boards, downloading apps, and creating ringtones (my current one is the ringtone from the movie Orphan).  I actually use it as a checkbook, journal, notetaker, calendar.

And occasionally as a phone.